lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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