I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
