Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
