Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
