I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
