Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
