We won't sleep together?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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