I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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