just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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