Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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