I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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