it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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