I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
