thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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