My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
