were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
