R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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