I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
