i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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