There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
