I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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