god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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