my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
