eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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