You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
