I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
