It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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