Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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