just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I wish there were birth control emojis
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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