dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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