sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
