Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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