I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
