you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
