why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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