Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
