Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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