Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
