True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
