I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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