The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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