now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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