Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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