I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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