you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
