If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
