Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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