This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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