Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Cover your peen. We're going out.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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