I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
