Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
