even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
