My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
