He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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