yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
