She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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