Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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