Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
