the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
