I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
