You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
