don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
